Sunday, February 12, 2012


Yesterday, one of my dearest friends informed me that II and I are able to roll with the punches of life more than any other couple she has ever met. Somehow, I was comforted and disturbed by her statement.

One of our children is a very sick child. I have talked about him on this blog, but I have worked hard to make this blog about me and not about my children per se. However, M is a child that I cannot simply never mention. Amongst the alphabet soup of diagnosis that plagues my nine year old son is the one that will kill him. M has Cystic Fibrosis. Like 12% of CFers, my child has the misfortunate of having Cystic Fibrosis caused liver disease. He was also so unfortunate that he was born with another CF complication called a meconium illeus. Basically, the first poop that a newborn produces was hardened like concrete in his gut and had to be surgically removed, along with a portion of his small intestines. When the doctors removed that very first portion of small intestines from M, they set his lifespan inadvertently. They took so much small intestines that M now lacks the length required for him to have a liver transplant.

Last month, we nearly lost M. He developed a lung infection, not uncommon for CFers. His was uncommon. It presented with the ONLY symptom was that he was panting, not a normal symptom of these infections. Before he displayed normal symptoms, his liver crashed on him. The textbooks say this is NOT possible. We have learned in the four years we have had the priviledge of being M's parents that nothing about him follows textbooks.

We thought we had more time with M, and we were shocked to find ourselves discussing and comparing our threshold of where II and I wanted to draw the line of attempting to fight for M's life. It has brought how little time we have with this precious child into the spotlight for both of us.

Consequently, II has walked away from his dream of medical school. He was accepted, he was scheduled to start in August. The medical school denied his request for a deferrement to have a year with M, and he decided that it is more important that he be available with M in this year than to pursue his dreams. My career path is firming up quickly and involves a path that is not dependent upon my geographical location. Consequently, we have made the difficult decision that we are moving our family halfway across the country.

Instead of II commuting every two to three weeks home to see us, we are all moving in three weeks. II has found a gorgeous 25 acre farm where the children will be thrilled and will thrive. The house is massive huge, the land is restorative for us. There are even three ponds and the children want farm animals. One of my close friends who escaped Patriarchy and an abusive marriage has been living with me since fall to avoid the ghetto housing that was basicaly the best she could afford for herself and her little ones. She won the only thing that mattered to her in her divorce, soul custody of her children. Thus, she is free to move if she wishes and she choosing to move with us. She helps me with the house, and helps caregive with M's deteriorating health. The farmhouse has nine bedrooms. My friend and her children will have a wing of the house that is private for themselves. She will continue to help me while working on her own education so she can support her family on her own two feet shortly.

Most of the children are entering public school again. This time, instead of a ghetto, urban school, this is a small, rural school district with EXCELLENT rankings. As soon as we move, M and two siblings will be enrolled in school. In the fall, one of the little two will head to kindergarten. The next year, another will enter and the year after the baby will head off to kindergarten. One child will remain in virtual charter schooling, and the child with severe dyslexia will remain homeschooled long-term. Unlike last time, I feel we are all prepared this time and that the children will thrive. I do intend to remain flexible, and if someone does not thrive in their school environment, then we can shift in *any* direction as needed.

My plan is to work part-time instead of full-time. Part-time will increase our income, will provide me with individual savings and income. It will prevent me from being isolated ever again. It will keep my skills fresh. However, so long as our marriage remains strong and intact, it will also allow me to balance the intense needs of this large family with multiple special needs children. Should my inablity to see into a crystal ball and predict the future result in someday this marriage falling apart to the point it is not repairable, the career I am entering is a well paying job. I will be earning my PMHN degree. Full-time work in my field rivals what II makes in his job. It's not *quite* what he makes, but it's more than sufficient to provide for the family and especially for myself (barring death, II will always contribute significantly to the care of his children, in death his life insurance will do that for him).

It's not that I'm looking or expecting the marriage to fall apart again, honestly. It's simply that after what I have been through, I am concious to never assume it could *never* happen to me. I didn't choose this based upon the income. In fact, I have been very resistive to choosing my path based upon earning potential. I do take great relief from realizing that what I feel strongly towards in a career will also provide for my family if I need to do so.