Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Growing up

Now that I am off orientation, my work is about to go to a completely reasonable two days per week. I giggle everytime I realize that this is my LAST week of this schedule and I am basically permenantly on twice a week after this.

Next week, my classes start but I can only take two courses this semester and they are both online. I am required to take an "Orientation" class that all new RN-BSN students take. I am hopeful that it will at least give me a chance to do some writing and keep my mind sharp while I work my way through what step comes next in my life. I am intending to apply for Graduate Schools, but I'm completely torn on whether to finish this BSN first or just head to Graduate School. Finishing this program will add one year. However, I hate to not finish something I start....I also had to bide more time before getting to where I'm headed. I made a promise to myself to stay with this semester and make up my mind by summertime, the point when I have to diverge two different pathds depending on what I want to do for next year.

In all of this, my main priority continues to be this family. I have a middle schooler who is still homeschooling. Due to his special circumstances, he will not enter public school. I'm no longer afraid of public schools. I'm not afraid of public school for him even. I just know that he requires something very unique and different from the other children and would not thrive in a mass education format.

I also have a kindergartener that I am homeschooling. I LOVE homeschooling her. I can clearly see the fruits of my committment to build the foundations of learning for my older children and how well they have thrived in their learning because of the time I gave them. I did try sending this little one to school but it was so many hours that she was exhausting. She was not learning. She was miserable.

Unlike her older brother, she is NOT going to homeschool forever. If we remain where we are I will look to enter her into public school around 3rd or 4th grade. I expect like the others, she will thrive and love school.

Behind this sweet little girl is my baby. Darling baby J, who was never supposed to be with us, is the last of our tribe. My intention is to homeschooling J until late elementary or early middle school like all of the others. Then, he too will enter public school and will thrive.

Added to these children are the five siblings who attend public school. They are still realing from losing Micah. They all adore school, but they also still need mom to help guide them. They go to school but need a parent to help get them out the door. Right now, they have been latch-key kids for most afternoons, but next week they will return to having mom home most afternoons to guide them with homework, snacks and eventuallly dinner and bedtime.

All but my last two babies are now pre-teen or teens. I can see the seasons of my life change before my very eyes. I have loved every moment of raising these children, but I can see the years of my babies leaving the nest are nearly upon me. All of my younger years, I promised myself that I would have my career ready to get started as these children started leaving. I know my life would be empty if all I had was these children and I had nothing to fill my life as they left me.

As hard as the growing pains have been in the last few years, I am thankful that I have my career already in progress. I am thankful that I can look forward to their growing and not worry about what happens to me when they leave.

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