Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Stepping forward

Life goes on, as the song says. New job, new location, new house, new chance to move forward with all of our lives.

On January 2, we packed up our lives and pulled out of New England. It was an adventure, of that there is no doubt. There were some wonderful things about living in New England. I was surprised at how very open and friendly the people were. I was surprised at how diverse some things were. Never did I find such variety in food choices so easily prior. Never did I find recycling so accessible. The schools truly partnered with us to work with the children. Our neighbors were truly neighbors. Growing up in the south, I always feared the small towns most of all. They were always so closed, so judgmental and out right mean to me. They had a façade of friendliness and kindness, but under that façade they were just mean bullies. That was not the dynamic I found in a northern small town. The people there were genuinely kind and interested in being neighborly to our family.

Yet, the things I am most grateful to leave is the ghost of Micah's absence, and the weather. I truly felt ready to whither up and die with the cold weather. While we traveled back south as a Polar Vortex did the same, we still managed to outrun the snow at some point.

When we left our home four years ago, our children left behind all that was stable in their lives. We needed that change to restore our marriage, and the foundation of their lives, though they didn't understand it. However, that move still hurts the children. We went from solid middle class with a full-time stay at home mother and homeschooling to inner city, abject poverty with two parents in school and scraping to barely make ends meet. From there, we went back to middle class, but we left our world behind and were completely submerged in death, dying and grief. As we unloaded the moving truck, every one of us shed some of that grief and pain. The children are back to solid middle class, a mother who is at home (though I am actually in school and will be seeking out per diem work as soon as my licensure is straightened out).

I sit in a house half unpacked and I marvel at where we have been and what we have before us now. Everything that II's last boss meant for evil has turned into a beautiful mosaic to this family now. I promised II when I got here with him, I was throwing away the moving boxes. I'm done being nomadic. I will work diligently to finish my own training so that we are never in a position to rely solely upon one income again. If I had held my degree already, we would not have needed to move this time. Yet, there was tremendous good for this family in moving this last time.

We have bought a house, though I swore when I left four years ago I never would again. This one is nearly my dream home. It lacks only a few minor things I always dreamed of having. It is a home I can grow old in, a home where I can provide healing and peace for these children. It is home...again...finally.

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