Wednesday, September 15, 2010

This is very bad

My grandmother is coming to visit. There are simply no words to describe this woman. The best way I can truly describe her is that when I was thirteen, she once informed me that she had gotten too old to care what other people thought about what she said. She said she didn't have enough time left on this earth to be polite, so she would speak her mind and if other people didn't like it, they could just get over it.

As jaw dropping as the statement was, its even more flabbergasting when you realize two facts. First, she was in her mid-50s when she made this arrogant declaration. Second, this was not actually a new decision she had made. In fact, it was merely a justification for her behavior she had displayed for as long as anyone can remember her being alive.

Granny lives in Hawaii and spends 80% of her time in Southeast Asia now. For a 78 year old great-grandmother of 16, that's quite an accomplishment. Every two to three years, Granny breezes through the mainland to grace all of us with her glory.

This year's self invitation went like this, "I suppose you have outgrown me or just don't want me in your life anymore. But, if you want to see me, I'll be coming to the mainland on these dates. Please work the details of where I'll be when out amongst yourselves." This was aimed at my sister, my uncle and I. My brother refuses to play the passive-aggressive bullshit games and doesn't speak to her anymore.

I try hard to tolerate Granny's behaviors and remind myself that I actually love her. My children ADORE her for some crazy reason. Even so, the last time she came to the mainlain, M had been home merely a year and I flat-out refused to let her stay at our house. There was no way M could have handled her, and no way she could have handled him. The time before that, she rudely informed me that 3 of my children had SERIOUS speech impediments. One of my children has a speech issue. He has Childhood Apraxia of Speech and he's extremely sensitive to comments about it. Her rude remarks were devestating to him that visit. The other two children in question were normal and healthy. One of them was four and wasn't suppose to be fully intelligible yet. The other has English as his third language and was speech delayed from normal orphanage delays. You'd think someone who spends the bulk of her time teaching SE Asian English would have better sense AND manners. But, she doesn't. She truly does not care who she offends, hurts not demeans.

I was already dreading her visit this year. I'm not a stay at home mother anymore. I don't have the time to entertain her for a week. I don't have the tolerance nor patience to listen to her nasty poison. I don't want to hear one WORD about my parents' divorce from her, and I know that is all she is going to want to talk about. The worse though, will be holding my tongue while she fawns all over II and his parenting abilities while she acts like I don't exist and make NO impact on the lives of my children. This is NOT the year to have someone praise II.

Then, last night, it dawned on me. She's coming on September 17 and leaving September 23. Sunday will mark exactly one year since the last time my wonderful husband cheated on me--the day he blew off his daughter's birthday celebration to shove his body parts in some nasty stranger he found through an adult hook-up sight. The 23rd is my anti-versary.

She could not have choosen a worse time to come here. God help me cope.

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