Glimmers of hope

Yesterday morning, we recieved an unexpected phone call. When the ex-nanny filed false allegations with CPS against us, they concluded their investigation in 2.5 weeks. However, while they told us they found nothing of concern, wanted nothing more from us, nor did they anticipate unearthing anything else, they never formally close an investigation until they reach the 60 days this state allows for them to conduct their investigation. They insisted to do so would not be "due deligence."

Beaucracy at it's finest, no doubt. CPS understood that their investigation interfers with S's legal case (and the nanny knew this when the call was made but apparently keeping S safe and secure didn't even register on her radar). We left it alone and honestly did not stress more over the time situation more than absolutely unavoidable. We assumed the case would be closed at the end of October when their sixty days were up. We just hoped the judge would not penalize *us* for this situation and it's interference in S's case.

As much as I want to share S's story, because S has been through more than anyone could imaagine and that story and this child's triumph and strength of spirit is stunning, I cannot speak of the case for awhile longer to protect this child who entered my life as an absolute surprise. S's situation was very precarious for awhile. The challenges to keeping S safe were well known to both the nanny and CPS. All I could say to CPS and to others invovled with the case was that her choice to call CPS with lies demonstrates exactly why she was fired and considered unsafe to this family. However, it doesn't negate the damaage she did on her way out the door.

As of yesterday morning, the damage and danger is mostly mitigated. For reasons that were not explained to us, CPS has reversed their position that they are not able to close a case early and they have formally closed our case, unfounded of course.

Yesterday afternoon, I saw a new doctor. As I got sicker and in more pain since Micah died, I became more aware that there was something more than grief going on. The rash that had been diagnosed by two doctors as eczema and another as psoriasis did not respond to any treatments but grew far worse. My blood pressure destablized. My body ached. My thyroid went completely amuck. I was in misery. When I attempted to be seen by my doctor, his staff was beyond frustrating. Ultimately, I realized that I cannot do battle with a doctor's office staff and craze a partnership with my doctor through this time. I believed I had this with my doctor, but it was clear the same was not true of his staff. So, went to a new doctor and saw her yesterday.

She was kind and compassionate. She listened to me. She acknowledged my grief and the complications it brings to assessing my health. Most of all, she was confident she can work with me to restabilize everything. EVERYTHING....that means even the rash. In fact, she already started treatments that the rash is responding to.....because she is the first caregiver to say it is fungal. In 24 hours, the rash is in full retreat and feels better for the first time in ages.

We are attacking this both typically and systemically. She cannot start the oral medications until she runs labs to check my liver function. Those labs have to be run with me NPO (nothing by mouth). We went to the lab this morning and the orders were missing. So, for this weekend, I am workinh with topicals and I will call her office Monday to get the lab orders for the orals straightened out. After two years of misery, and months of giving up hope that this would *ever* get better, I have hope.