Sunday, April 27, 2014

Frustrated with waiting

I feel like I'm stuck in a suspended animation.

The children have finally stabilized. The move back south and into a new life was harder on them than even I anticipated, but they are stable again. Those whose school tanked are slowly recovering it. They all have activities, friends, recovering school status, and they are happy. They are mostly back in grief therapy, and the two with additional mental health struggles are thriving with new therapists and an excellent Psychiatrist locally. All of the hard work was so worth it. There is no way I could have sought work in the midst of caring for those needs.

I have two classes left for the BSN. My classes start tomorrow, and I honestly staved my Death and Dying class for last, simply because I knew I would enjoy it most. This week, I apply for my degree, which I will earn in August. I started this journey 4.5 years ago, and I never imagine it would take this long, nor that this was where I would find myself.

Yet, I'm spinning my wheels. My applications for graduate school have been submitted and still no answers have come, not rejections nor acceptance letters. I have confirmed that all of my documents arrived at the programs, so there is nothing more I can do but continue to wait.

I have been job searching for a month, and finding a PRN position that will work while I'm in grad school has not been easy to find. The dream job turned out to not be advertised honestly. They advertised for 12 hours per week, but they actually wanted 32+ hours per week, which won't work if I'm going to be in school full-time.

My financial aid for grad school has been submitted, but does me no good unless and until I am admitted somewhere. There are several national scholarships for graduate nurses but they also cannot be applied to until I have an actual acceptance. I interviewed for a job last week, and the interview went fantastic....and the hiring manager is out of state until next week.

So I am waiting, waiting to see where the next several years of my life is going to be focused....or not. There is absolutely nothing I can do but keep waiting, and try not to convince myself that I was foolish to think I could do this and stood a chance to get into any program in the first place.

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