Thursday, April 10, 2014

Small steps forward, backward, sometimes sideways

Nothing life shattering is happening now. Yet, small things are shifting around here. Most of the kids are getting stable finally (and I cannot stress how important that change is). A and E are still struggling in school. However, E was accepted into a Magnet school for fine arts for this fall--conditional to her bringing her GPA back up, and it has been the motivation she has needed to push through her mental health challenges to get back to somewhat steady ground. We know what A's struggle is, we just aren't having any luck getting him fully back to thriving. He is the most tech unsavy teenager I have ever seen. We moved him to a school that is extremely tech oriented (the children all use ipads for their textbooks are supposed to submit their assignments online. We're desperately trying to help him, as is the school and the soccer team. I think he's looking at repeating three classes in summer school. There just doesn't seem to be a way around that outcome. E will likely have to repeat her math class in summer school. Surprisingly, S is passing all but his math, which everyone expected and knew and he will simply repeat it next year.

The children have all restarted grief therapy through a local non-profit. It's wonderful for them, and it's helping everyone get adjusted so much better than I was getting it as I spun my wheels and did it on my own. It was amazing. Whey they oriented the children to the center, they each received a bag. Those bags were full of things like journals (or grief oriented coloring book for the littlest guy), tissues and other things to help them. They were also given a stuffed animal and a full sized, handmade quilt. Those blankets are beautiful and all of the children love them. They are supplied by Project Linus. Years ago, in another state and another lifetime, the girls and I did a Girl Scout service project providing blankets for Project Linus in our area. Never did I imagine that I would see Project Linus as something to minister to my own children.

E had a very bad month of March, probably the worst in both of our lives. There was a point that I thought we were going lose her, quite literally. She's had a full tune-up of her mental health status and a new therapist. Her other therapist seemed nice enough, and was making progress with her, but he seemed to fail to understand how traumatic this whole move was and did not understand the need to see her more frequently than once a month. It had a great deal to do with what led to the disaster last month, and I certainly don't blame him. However, the grief center gave me a recommendation for a therapist not only skilled in addressing grief issues in teens but specialized in ASD children. In just three sessions, she has been FANTASTIC for E. Normally it takes a lot longer to get a therapist to understand who E is and how to work with her. This one really knows the Asperger's challenge well. She truly believes we can get E stabilized and back to every other week sessions by fall. I truly hope that is the case. It hurts me to see E hurting. But, since her tune-up and starting with this new therapist, I have tremendous hope for her getting stable and happy again. I was stunned that the Magnet school gave her a conditional acceptance despite her tanking her GPA this spring. They told her she has until August to get into the required GPA range and if she cannot accomplish that, then they will put her admission on hold until she does rather than reject her. This will be fabulous for her, to allow her to express her creativity and focus on positive and healthy avenues of creativity.

I interviewed for a job today. It was mostly a let-down simply because it appeared to be an HR screening interview and generic. However, she was going to forward my resume to the hiring manager, and that is where my hope lies that I will garner the attention and eventually the job. I've applied for quite a few jobs. This is the only one that has responded. It also happens to be my dream job, so I'm okay with that. I am waiting on an admission committee somewhere to agree that the future I envision for myself is one they believe I am capable of as well. Two of them have told me I can expect to hear in June. I'm impatient and want to hear today, but I continue to wait.

Yesterday, I started another journey in this reclamation process of my life. I started a journey on aggressively and proactively conquering my health struggles. By summer, I will have taken drastic measures that I believe will help see me through many more years with my family. It's an ironic but medically necessary journey I am entering, and one I hope I will not regret when I get to the other side.

Today, after years of avoidance and research in the dark of night, I made a leap on my spiritual journey as well. I am ready to explore spirituality without feeling like I have PTSD myself, without rejecting a creator because of the creations. It's not something I'm ready to discuss, and I don't know where it will lead. But, the sheer fact that I am speaking to a religious authority of any variety is HUGE for me at this point in my life.

Little by little we are putting our lives back together. This time, we will not be uprooted again. This time we will restore and this home will be a haven for healing for this family. It has been a stormy spring, and I couldn't have worked through this even if I had the option. However, as the family is recovering, we will find our footing again and find our way back to thriving again.

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