Sunday, July 18, 2010


I've long been blessed with an online community of mothers who have stood beside me thorugh years of my journey. When I lived in a major city, that community stepped off the computer screen and into my life. When our church betrayed us 18 months ago, it was that community that stood by us and supported us in crisis. It was that same community that stood beside me when my life was lost last fall.

We have not attended a churcn since ours betrayed us. Last fall, II lost his faith in God entirely. I have held onto my faith, but I have rejected the church outright. I don't believe the modern church is where nor how God intends for us to display our faith. And, I refuse to attend any church that puts my daughters at even a hint of risk for Patriarchial or Quiverful beliefs, the ones that sent me down the road of my disaster.

That has left us very few options, yet desiring to still raise our children within community. II and E tested several churches locally since we've moved and my heart is simply not in the task. The children, however, are desperate to participate in church again.

We have decided to just pick a large church with an active children's program. I can handle worship music and nothing spoken from the pulpit is going to make an impression on my life anymore. Its certainly not going to convince II that there is a personal God and Savior either. But, it will give the children community. Sometimes, that's what it really comes down to.

I'd say that maybe church will do us some good, but I won't. If it weren't for my community of mothers, I'd have lost my faith as completely as II at this point. Too many churches have failed us. The stranger our family became, the greater the odds that the church would fail us. The betrayal by the last church was merely the last nail in a coffin, not the first. I have no hope nor faith that corporate church will do II and I any good. I only hope that community and friendships will fill a void for the children that they have clearly felt for awhile now.

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